Complimentary Appetizers at the Season Five Launch Party

Sausage, Pepper, and Veggie-Spread Wrap


It is a season of eternal felicitation in Hartlife, because, for the first time in hundreds of years, policies are able to enjoy textured animal proteins! Due to the generous donation of Dr. Herbert West of Q-Deck, policies the whole city over are now rejoicing in their ability to try this new and tasty foodstuff – meat. “Take as much as you like,” the good Doctor urged our culinary technicians. “It’ll all grow back in a day or two.”


Ve-G Spring* Rolls

In honor of our fair city’s energy security, HartLife is proud to introduce a medley of corporate-sanctioned plant tissues for your wonderment and consumption, dear policies. Gaze upon the unearthly vibrant Daucus carota sativus! Smell the pungent odors of Allium fistulosum! Test your courage against the mysterious edible wrappings! But be warned, dear policies, even in these times of plenty the consumption and possession of unsanctioned plant tissues are dangerous, and will be met with the full force of HartLife’s M.U.R.D.E.R. department.

*Please be advised: the HartLife Corporation does not officially recognize any seasons other than “Cold, and full of Wolves.” Any rumors that other seasons existed is pure Outsider propaganda, and should be reported to your supervisor. Spring Rolls were named for the extra “spring!” of productivity gained by policies after consuming them.